I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

Philosophy is that which grasps its own era in thought.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.

A private sin is not so prejudicial in this world as a public indecency.

The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.

They enter the new world naked, cold, uncertain of all save that they enter.

All paths are present, always... and we can but choose among them.

If everybody contemplates the infinite instead of fixing the drains, many of us will die of cholera.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Just remember: It's lonely at the top, when there's no one on the bottom.

Human improvement is from within outwards.

Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.

Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.

A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.

They say that time change things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.

The way to get started is to quit talking and start doing.