The best proof of love is trust.

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.

A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success.

Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing, And like enough thou know'st thy estimate.

Let not England forget her precedence of teaching nations how to live.

Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.

Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.

We ruined each other by being together. We destroyed each other's dreams.

A divorce is like an amputation, you survive but there's less of you.

72 Days is now an official unit of time known as a Kardash.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

It's true, I can't make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.

Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

A child is too old to breast-feed when he can unhook mommy's bra with one hand.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

Wisdom comes with age, but keep it to yourself.

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.

I took biology two years in a row just to eat the specimens.

Marriage is a gamble, let's be honest.

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her.

A good marriage is different to a happy marriage.

Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than marry without affection.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

I enjoy being single, but I loved being married.

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship.