Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
The weather is so very mildThat some would call it warm.Good gracious, aren't we lucky child?...
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.
It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.
I came to parenting the way most of us do - knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.
If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
We all have an interest in making sure teens grow up healthy and drug-free.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
What do girls do who haven't any mothers to help them through their troubles?
If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first.
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